Is Your Journaling Making Things Worse?
One of the appeals of journals is that they can be a safe space to share exactly what’s on our minds with no repercussions. They are somewhere to vent, pour out our frustrations, intense feelings and discuss difficult topics, with no one to judge us, correct us, or tell us how unreasonable we are being. Getting everything out of our heads and onto the page can feel like a relief and help alleviate the intensity of challenging emotions. But what if this feeling of catharsis might actually be keeping us stuck in rumination? Venting might become our go-to method of journaling, especially if we’re in a more challenging phase of life, but when it becomes a habit, it might actually be deepening the rut rather than helping us out of it.
The issue with keeping a “complaints” journal
Venting can feel good. No, great. One of the benefits of journaling is that it’s private, a safe space where you can express your thoughts and feelings in real-time, as they really are. And, unlike talking something out, there are no social repercussions. We don’t have to deal with any long stares, side eyes, looks of confusion or concern, defensive replies, or resulting arguments. We get to express ourselves, and no one gets hurt in the process.
The problem with venting is when it becomes our go-to journaling practice. Rather than helping us process difficult situations or feelings, unstructured venting can lead to rumination, where we end up replaying and reliving negative experiences (and the resulting emotions) without any sense of moving forward or resolution.
This is reflected in research. A 2002 study by Ullrich and Lutgendorf suggested that journaling is effective for processing when the writing focuses on meaning-making, not just retelling what happened or how we felt. In the study, participants were split into three groups and told to write about a stressful event. The first was instructed write only about how they felt (emotions only), the second group was told to write about how they made sense of the situation and how they were dealing with it (emotions and cognition), while a third control group was instructed to give a factual account. The second group (emotions and cognition) was found to develop a greater awareness of the positive effects of the situation than the other two groups, suggesting that the key to “moving forward” isn’t necessarily about expressing emotions or simply recounting the event, but also looking at the broader meaning we can derive from what happened (interestingly, those in the first emotions-only group actually reported more physical illness during the study than those in the other two groups…).
This also has deeper consequences than the immediate situation we are journaling about. There is a saying that “neurons that fire together, wire together.” When we use our journals mostly or solely for complaining, we are reinforcing the neural pathways associated with frustration, victimhood, and other negative experiences, rather than those associated with meaning making, problem-solving and constructive thinking. Just like brushing our teeth or locking the door when we leave the house, our default way of thinking is also habitual. If we use our journals mostly for complaining, we are reinforcing a pattern of negative thinking. If we use them for processing and constructive resolutions (even within our own minds), then we are reinforcing that way of thinking.
So how do you know if your journaling style might be hurting rather than helping you? Here are a few signs to look out for:
You write about the same things repeatedly with no new insight or shift in emotional content
You feel temporarily better after journaling but the same frustrations return quickly
Your entries are mostly about other people's behavior, rather than your own responses and what you might be able to do differently.
Reading back through old entries incites the same kind of agitation you felt when writing them, rather than serving as a reflective exercise
You frequently use generalisations: everyone, no one, always, never, etc.
How to journal in a way that supports you
The key way to make sure your journal is supporting you is to focus on constructive venting: using your writing to actually process what’s happening and move you forward rather than reliving the same patterns of thoughts and feelings over and over again. I want to be clear that stepping back from a pattern of rumination is not about suppressing feelings or being all “positive vibes only.” It’s more about using your writing consciously and strategically—using it as the tool it is—to focus on thoughts that move you forward rather than those that keep you stuck.
Using your journal in this way is an act of self-compassion, arguably far more so than using it for rumination. Here are a few ways I’ve found helpful:
1. Set a venting window, then ask “Now what?”
Give yourself a timed space to write freely (5 minutes), then pivot to a structured prompt: What do I want to carry forward from today? What am I ready to set down? Or, my favourite (which I originally heard from Lynda Monk): Based on what I’ve written today, what is one thing I want to do moving forward? Make it a practice to end a venting session with a question like this and shift your focus away from what’s wrong to what you want to do about it, how you want to feel, and what might be in your control. This way, you get to express how you’re feeling, but you’re also keeping the focus on reflection rather than rehearsal.
2. Be curious with yourself
Make it a habit to get curious about why the things that bother you do so. Rather than solely venting about how frustrated you are that X happened, try asking “I wonder what it is about X that bothers me so much?” The personal part of the personal why is key here. You’re not writing about why other people are doing what they are doing, but bringing your focus back to the one thing you can reasonably influence, which is yourself.
Equally, if you notice you keep returning to the same topic or incident again and again, try asking yourself why. What is it about this particular thing that feels unresolved? What would need to happen for that to be the case? This is called metacognition, which is thinking about the way we are thinking. It’s not only very helpful (and interesting!) but it helps us zoom out from the immediate situation and, in doing so, can help interrupt cycles of rumination. Keep asking yourself why, and see whether that shifts the focus of your writing.
3. Remember to include what went well
If life feels particularly challenging right now, try to balance your journaling with a few reflections on what went well too. We are hard-wired to focus on problems, threats, and generally bad things, because this is how we have survived thus far as a species. It’s also something we need to consciously balance out. These don’t have to be big things—even small moments and tiny wins can interrupt the negativity cycle and help us see things with a more nuanced perspective.
My favourite way of doing this is to keep a “3 good things” journal, where, as the name suggests I write down three good things that happened that day. These are rarely huge things, but I’ve found the smallest moments can end up being the most meaningful.
4. Try shifting your focus to the future
If you notice you tend to focus a lot on what’s happened in the past, one way to counteract this is to consciously practice focusing on your future too. You can do this with simple prompts like, “By next week, I intend to…” “By next year, I hope I have…” or “What I want to remember about this moment is…” Sometimes shifting the time period we are thinking about can help shift the energy of the moment too.
5. Give your journal a new job
If you feel like you’ve been using your journal as a dumping ground and you’re not seeing many benefits from this, try changing the way you look at it. Could it become a lab notebook? Does the way you write about things change if you image you’re writing to a friend? What if you started thinking of it as your “manual for life” and treating it as such? Try on a few different identities and see which feels useful.
Journaling isn’t about writing “correctly,” it’s about doing it in a way that actually serves you. If you look back and notice your journal has become a venting ground, that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong, it’s just useful information. Pick one of the suggestions above and give it a try. Sometimes the tiniest changes can make the biggest differences.